Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
