Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
