woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize