why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
