Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I still have a little drunk in my system
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
