If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When did angry sex become our thing?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize