Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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