the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
