Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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