i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize