Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
