Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
