this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
