i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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