i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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