I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
