you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My pussy is not your playground.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
