Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
