ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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