mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
