I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
