i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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