GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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