Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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