and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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