party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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