his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
