i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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