She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize