Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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