apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
