I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
