hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
