Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
