I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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