lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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