I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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