omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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