so explain again why im purple
no
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Two words: blizzard sex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize