Im at strip club and am horny
If that was your dad, he is hot
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
