So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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