Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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