i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm going to jail i love you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
