I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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