Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
