May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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