I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
