U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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