In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
