mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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