I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
