I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
