So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My dick has a subreddit
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
