You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
