i used baking grease as lip gloss
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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