You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
