I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
