That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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