Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
