Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
