I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
