My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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